addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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