Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
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