He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
