I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
