i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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