At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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