I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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