No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
