Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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