the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
