I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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