They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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