we have officially mastered the walk of shame
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize