Just fell off a train. Bad.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
