I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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