There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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