don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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