Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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