You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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