When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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