oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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