i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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