Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just invented taco cereal.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You are a genius and a whore.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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