We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
