i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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