oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
