He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
