she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
