I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
