he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
