census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
