tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
