Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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