so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
