she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't think brook has ever known best
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
