Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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