Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
