dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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