God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
