dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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