she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
