No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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