Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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