I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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