Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
