So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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