I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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