Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
