how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
