brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my phone needs a breathalizer
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
