You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
