I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
