He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
