I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
