So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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