4 words: hood of his car
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
