im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
