According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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