you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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