last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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