i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
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