Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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