just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
