Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
