his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
