im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
