ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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