I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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