just come out here and I will go home with you...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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