My liver just broke up with me...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Holy sore nipples Batman
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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