If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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