I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The uberlube is also flammable
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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