She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
