I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
