ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Swine flu is the new snow day.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You have to summon your inner elephant
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
